Thank you God for inspiration to pick me up when I fall!!! So I have not written in four weeks....
We lost three dear friends. Traveled and Traveled to funerals. I am emotionally exhausted. My mom passed this last June - this is our first Easter without her. I miss her!!!
Physically I feel LOST. We made it to the Ironman 70.3 Galveston was more beautiful than I expected and we had a wonderful time together as a family and with friends that surprised us there; even though I got sick with a stomach bug the night before the race, Faith caught the bug a few days later and then John had it too. I felt too weak to compete but could not stay in the hotel room... Had a BALL cheering on the TEAM! Had a BALL cheering on everyone!!! God even let me SEE one of the fast ladies run! Catriona Morrison was a blur as she ran under the bridge my little girl and I were standing on ringing the bells for the runners! (If I had raced I would never have gotten to see that or experience the race as a cheerleader with my daughter!) Thank you God for unexpected gifts like this :) I also saw the many, many, many families cheering on their dad's, mom's, brother's, sister's and friends. I heard more languages than I ever dreamed possible as people were there from allllllllllllllllllll over the world. I saw the race from the perspective of the family and see it is something THEY deserve a medal for too :) Waiting for 5 to 8 hours on a dear loved one in PAIN is hard!!!
I am and was disappointed that I didn't make myself at least do the swim but I tried to just be happy and see the bright side but ya know what? if I am not honest with myself I cannot move on and not moving on is making me depressed, frustrated and experience an emotion I am not comfortable with and seldom feel... angry!. There is a ride a six flags over Texas called the "The Big Spin" As some of you know I am SCARED of fast rides and this one describes my emotions... Up, down, pushed side to side, out of control, spinning and then repeat. At several points I just wanted off the Ironman 70.3 ride and to go home and sit on the couch and eat ice cream and forget I have a heart condition and pretend what I eat and if I exercise, well it really does not matter!!! I wanted to give up this dream of doing the half Ironman and Ironman... When I went to sleep that night I thought good.... this is OVER maybe this crazy idea will go away now!!! I mean I get tired of people asking WHY? do you want to do this and hearing them tell me NOT TO DO IT. or You CAN'T DO IT! I am a pleaser at heart and when I think someone does not approve of what I am doing I try to stop. so when I got sick I thought ok let it GO SUSAN... just do water-aerobics, run some, doing half marathons is ok but let go of the full ones and the bike that still scares you and just move ON... but when I woke up I couldn't do that... It is like it calls me... like it is something I HAVE TO DO!!! so the part of me that knows this.... wants to find a race and just get it over with like a tooth that needs to be pulled - just pull it!!! :) But if I am honest with myself I know that I am at a cross roads... do I push past this fear set another goal and not give up, do I shrink back keep pleasing everyone else and living for what I THINK people WANT me to do, do I just give up or do I TRUST and OBEY God and the call He is calling me to? Do I REALLY believe "All things are possible?"
I read an article tonight "The Kona Journey" by Catriona Morrison 2009 2010 "Two Ironman World Championships: both plagued with illness and followed by "What ifs," "Maybes," "Should haves," "would have" and "Could haves." Cat and I are worlds apart in athletic ability, age and sponsors :) but a few days ago I did not even know who she was and yet God let our paths cross and tonight I read this article and it helps me see.... old - young - athlete - survivor - we are allllll on a JOURNEY and God willing we all want to finish STRONG! To God be the Glory!!!
I tried to register for my favorite half marathon tonight. I have told hundreds of people about this Hills and Heels marathon and wear my race shirt almost daily! In a ironic way I probably helped it fill up and now it is sold OUT. I'm Out again... Quit on the CowTown Ultra - Sick on the Ironman 70.3 to late for the Hills and Heels BUT..... I also read this tonight... about the race director
"Throughout this event's journey, Paula's personal journey is equally amazing – diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis on April 1, 1999, Female winner of a 12 hour event (50+ miles), 1 ultra marathon, 18 marathons, 35+ half marathons, a duathalon and other events, including the Dallas Avon 3 Day Walk and the MS 150 bike ride. Paula started a running streak on July 1, 2009 and has run at least one mile each day and 100+ miles each month. Paula achieved her goal of a sub 5 hour marathon with a 4:56 finish time at The Cowtown Marathon in February 2010." More HOPE..... Thank you God for HOPE and DREAMS and PASSION and most of all for your gift of salvation.... note to self SUSN.... any IS possible Susan... BE INSPIRED!!!
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