The other day (8 months 24 days and 8 hours to be exact) I was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy. What is cardiomyopathy? Cardiomyopathy is a serious disease in which the heart muscle becomes inflamed and doesn't work as well as it should.
The doctor said it means I have a weak heart. (my Tears start) Some people get well, other people do not. I am praying to be in the group that gets well!!! I tell people it JUST means I have a weak heart; I have to pray, obey God, eat right, take the medicine and exercise everyday. I truly believe all things are possible with God. Jesus is in my heart making it STRONGER EVERY DAY! Praise God, family and friends are praying, (the word says, "pray at all times on all occasions"). I am praying And in the end I know I have Faith in God so well either way – God in me wins!
Let me tell you IT SHHOOOOOKKKK me up!!!
So I thought if I get to go to Heaven and Heaven is a better place WHY do I WANT to fight so hard to stay here??? You know there are so many reasons... Honestly I want to see the little hands, feet and smiles in my life grow up, to live and learn with them, to have some fun, laugh, play, run barefoot in the grass, see more sunsets and sunrises, hold that sweet, soft, PRECIOUS grand baby someday, be encouraged and encourage others, pray for my friends, family relatives and those I have yet to even meet, get the feathering of our nest to a place that feels restful/peaceful and yes JOYFUL, to receive grace and share grace, to learn more about my Father God I am going home to, to learn more about my brother Jesus I am going home to, to teach our little feet and hands to play golf, to see the grown up feet and hands win the Master's, to see my adult hand playing the baby grand piano I have dreamed of owning all my life right beside the the little child size hands in our home! I want to play golf on all the AMAZING courses around the world, (Tears stopped)
I am not a good golfer – it is not even about golf.. well it is – I DO LIKE LEARNING ABOUT GOLF – I get easily embarrassed about how BAD I AM but gosh there is something, something so rewarding to seeing that tiny little ball roll into that tiny little cup... From a distance the cup does not even look big enough to hold the ball but the closer I get the more I realize – maybe it will – and then yep I bet it will – then yep IT DOES!!! Once I hit that first putt into the cup and I heard that sound of the ball spinning around the cup and dropping in..... well, I just wanted to hear it again and again!!!Using the driver well that one I usually leave in the bag... “I have learned that when I drive in life I usually end up in the rough” so I play my lowest iron off the tee box. I am still looking for a one iron that has some loft to it...right now I play my four iron... In my mind it is better to hit it in the middle and be short than hit it with the driver and be long but an equally long distance in the rough :) and I NEVER spend but a few seconds looking for my ball in the rough because I dated a course pro once and he went on and on about how much men hate to play behind women because they think we are all slow... I HAVE HONESTLY NEVER PLAYED A SLOW PEACEFUL GAME OF GOLF I always FEEL I AM hurrying around the course... Honestly that sort of defeats the purpose of the game doesn't it... but it is like the game of life for me I seem to hurry around and miss the good stuff. I do the stuff I HAVE to – the stuff I NEED to – and on the rare occasion WHEN I do the stuff I WANT to I feel guilty :( I just have to get past this!!! Oh my how did I get off the track so far... I do this in our house tooo... I start the day cleaning the dishes, washing clothes, coaching (I use the word coaching for teaching/guiding/giving directions to the little feet and hands in our home because as a former elementary school teacher God taught that I can't sit behind a desk and grade papers and TELL children what to do, just like I can't MAKE a child learn BUT I CAN jump up and down with joy and dance around the room with them when the light bulb turns on for them, when they get something they were struggling to learn. God showed me I was in the honored place of JUST being along for the ride... I was in the honored POSITION to encourage and guide and INTRODUCE NEW SUBJECT MATTER TO THE the little feet and hands GOD GAVE Me to coach. Yep and model Christ's love to the best of of my ability. whoops I am off track again... I also want to SEE these golf courses! See the beauty of God's world. I want to dance! (Tears started again)
Now I am sleepy!!! It's 4:30 A.M. I woke up in the middle of the night and just had to start writing and get this stuff out of my head... I WANT to get Re-married in Kauai with all my friends and family and be in that beautiful WEDDING dress... At a NICE SIZE – God please help me not give up on this dream and the dream/reality to get in shape and be healthy and have energy!!!! Thank you God for all you have already done for me. Most of alll thank you thank you thank you for sending your son Jesus to die for my sins so that when I believed in Him as my personal savior I became your child and no one can ever take that away from me!!! Thank you for every minute of everyday of the last eight months you gave me and all the years before that. For helping me daily make new and different food choices, for calming my racing heart, hurting arm, tight neck, teaching me how to breath again, giving me a place to exercise with loving child care and people to coach and encourage me, for getting me out of the bed and out of the house to exercise daily. For letting me take baby steps to learn how to play again! For letting me learn to play the piano and take ballroom dance lessons with my husband! For the wonderful hours of jumping on the trampoline and playing with the little feet and hands in my life. For DAILY guiding and directing me in Faith and Grace to be a loving and God honoring wife, mom and coach! I love you Lord - goodnight. I am so sorry I do not want to die yet - when it is time I pray I am ready and it is God honoring.
Bible verse God gave me on 8-28-08 my birthday!!! Psalms 30:11-12
Happy Mother's day to you! Tell your darling daughter, thank you so much for thinking of me. You are very kind people! I was sad to hear of your diagnosis....however, with your positive attitude I am certain you will do well. I am sure at this point you have done your homework and know exactly what needs to be done! I will always include you in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for the kind words on my RMS pages....and yes I have been rated 1's repeatedly...just mean spirited people. I have always been nice to others, so it is not a pay back thing, I think it is just pure jealousy, over what I do not know...I enjoy life and my home, and love to share that! You enjoy the rest of the evening. I will continue to post,don't you worry about that! Night night:) Debbie
ReplyDeleteThanks Debbie... I am not good at this blogging and I never even noticed this reply until tonight. and it was such an ecouragement. May God bless you and many many thanks for praying for us and lifting us up in the spirit of the Lord. I have not been on HGTV much. been focusing being a mom and wife and working in Bible Study Fellowship - I miss being creative w the decorating and feathering our nest. My mom passed to heaven unexpect to us but welcomed to Heaven by God a year and a half ago... I still can't type that news w o crying... I loved her sooooo much and miss her sooo much. Our little girl still sleeps in or w her house coat each night... I know God is good all the time and His LOVE ENDURES FOREVER and the love she shared w us was Love from Him so, well, that love never ends. and that helps me. I pray you and your family are well.
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