The Roller Coaster Ride 8-2-2010

August 1, 2010 The Roller Coaster Ride

"You know me. I do NOT like Roller Coasters! I AVOID them. I wait for YOU at the end of ride. The few times you have gotten me on the silly things I got sick to my stomach and well, it was NOT FUN! Well some of the dips were fun but I NEVER learned to RELAX and TRUST GOD and ENJOY THE RIDE. Today I Thank TEAM IN TRAINING cause I AM On A ROLLER COASTER RIDE -TRAINING with them and I AM LEARNING to RELAX and TRUST GOD and ENJOY THE CRAZY UPs and DOWN's of the RIDE OF LIFE!" Susan talking to her family

I'm on a roller coaster ride of EMOTIONS as I train to COMPLETE (Not compete but to COMPLETE :) God willing) this Triathlon I signed up for to raise money for children, mom's and dad's and their families who are in the battle of their lives against cancer.

So if you DARE hop on the ride with me. Buckle up ... Breath - Pray - repeat.... Breath - Pray - repeat....

CLICK CLICK CLICK here we go up the first tall tall hill....

Click Last Dec. A sweet TEAM in Training person came along side of me and helped me make a dream come true. Prayer "Thank you God - I do not know anything about this group of people all dressed in PURPLE at the races but if you want me to know more, teach me." Butterflies in my stomach

Click Click Click - Jan Feb March April Keep seeing these people dressed in PURPLE at the races and CAN'T GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD. Prayer - "God are you calling me to be a part of this team?"

Click May Looked up TEAM IN TRAINING on the web. Found an information meeting. butterflies return to my stomach

Click May 11th Went to information meeting with my family. Cried through the entire meeting.

Prayer "I'm scared God. I feel your call. I want to trust you. I know I CAN'T do this thing BUT YOU CAN. God I am awful at fund raising - I am awful at asking ANYONE for help, I am awful at trusting you. but I am willing to try.... I do not even have a bike, God." Feel like I can't breathe!

Click May 16 went to niece Whintey's graduation from A&M. I did not know this would be the last time I would see my mom alive or feel her arms hug me or hear her words encourage me. Tears of Joy for Whitney. Tears of sadness as I think I will never talk to mom again on this earth! Still God is my HOPE!

Click May 18 -20 Our families best friend took us on a trip to Disney Land. I still can't believe that trip was real but I know it was. Thank you God what a dream come true and a GIFT FROM YOU GOD! Rode the Winney the Pooh ride 18 times with our 8 year old and LOVED God more each time.

Click May23 my husband surprised me and bought the bike and everything I would need to ride in the race. JOY JOY JOY in the LORD Tears of JOY!

Click Went to eye doctor and got prescription glasses and sunglasses - thank you for the glasses God and thank you that the doctor has run the Triathlon in Kona - God encouraged me today and gave me HOPE through her. Tears of HOPE and JOY.

DOWN DOWN DOWN the lowest I have ever been... My mom went to see Jesus June 4th! TOTALLY unexpected to us but of course TOTALLY expected by God. Her favorite song was "Count your blessings and she told me alllllll the time to count my blessings" so while I am spinning alll around on the roller coaster not really going up or down - just spinning and spinning - I will count my blessings in memory of mom. Tears of every emotion!!!!!!! I am in shock!

I just want to hold my bible to my chest. My heart is broken and hurting. My bible is not with me. My sweet husband and daughter are having it recovered for mother's day. I run to the bible I have used in its place. Run to ME and I will RESCUE you, says the LORD - I RUN AS FAST AS I CAN AND JUMP INTO HIS ARMS! HE HOLDS ME and COMFORTS me with His word! Thank you God.

Seven Blessings....

one: My mom gave me unconditional love. Some search a lifetime for this unconditional love - I had it my whole life. Thank you God and all Praise and Honor and Glory to you on High.

two: My mom was my Hero. She loved Jesus as her Lord and Savior and Loved her neighbor as herself. What a role model and witness. She showed me HOW to serve as she served as the craft lady a vacation Bible School, teen kids, and call for help. Thank you God for letting me see You in my mom!

three: I saw my mom VERY HAPPY many times. Her eyes sparkled when she played tennis. As a child I saw my mom's eyes sparkle :) Thank you God I saw my mom use her gift from You! May we all use our gifts from You to bless others.

four: Mom loved all her grandchildren and got to see each of them and spend time with each of them. Thank you God and if it is your will may I get to be as kind of a grandmother as she was.

five: Mom told me many many times that she prayed she would never have to stay in a hospital or nursing home - this prayer was answered. Thank you God for answered prayers. Glory to You!

six: Mom told me many many times she prayed to pass to Heaven in her sleep- this prayer was answered. All Praise to You God on High - Please be with dad each day of the rest of his life of service to you! Show us all what You want us to learn and how You want us to change - Forgive us and bless us.

seven: GOD IS LOVE - the LOVE mom shared with me was His LOVE and HE PROMISES He will NEVER LEAVE us or forsake us and God keeps His promises. Her LOVE - HIS LOVE will ALWAYS be with me. Praise God for TRUTH!

I feel the prayers of friends, family and even strangers --- I still WANT OFF THIS RIDE but I am buckled in and I am in training and MOST OF ALL I WANT TO TRUST GOD AND FINISH THE RACE HE HAS SET BEFORE ME AND LEARN TO RELAX AND LET GO AND LET GOD! :) God I still miss her soooo much please help me.

I see hill number two in the distance - it is approaching toooo quickly. Breath pray repeat Breath pray repeat Breath pray repeat Breath Pray repeat Breath Pray repeat Breath Pray repeat.

Click June Keep falling off the bike. It hurts. Did not even know they had bikes with shoes that lock into the pedals or bikes with THIS MANY GEARS. Honestly scared of this bike. God help me...

Click Every Monday Team in Training has a swim class for us. I thought I could swim - I had no idea how hard it would be to swim with people allllllllllllll around you and the waves they make that splash into your face. and now they are telling me to swim with my arms and not use my legs because you save your legs for the rest of the race. you are kidding right? They tell us to get in the lane we THINK we fit in. From left to right there are 7 lanes. The far right is people who do not know how to swim - Yes they teach you how to swim :) I have always LOVED swimming and thought I was good at it. I get in the next to the last lane on the far left side. and well am humbled :) I am moved kindly to the lane next to the non swimmers.

Click June Ran the entire wounded warrior race beside an amazing lady in her 60ies. I told her I always dreamed of running with my mom. Today she was like a mom to me and it was an honor to run beside her. God gave me HOPE and filled me with JOY in the middle of my pain. He is amazing and surprising!

Click June 22 Kicked out of Spin class for talking. Thankful God has provided a bike spinner at home. It hurt but I am learning to not worry about stuff like this and look for God's blessing even in the pain.

Click June 14-16 my neighbor and good good friend who was like a mom away from home to me is moving... She was in the room with me when I gave birth to our daughter Faith. She has prayed with me and for me. I help her clean and pack - I smile during the day and cry at night. I don't understand God - But I am learning to TRUST YOU MORE.

Click our two nephews and their dad came to visit us. They are sweet awesome young men and we love them so much. One wants to be a priest in the Army in a few years- His mom has served three tours in the war and when I am tired I think of her and the many others that are making sacrifices for our country to be FREE. I think of the long runs THEY make with heavy back packs on. I can't even imagine what they go through. Stop and pray for their safety and God to bless them and their families. For God to keep our nation FREE and one nation UNDER GOD.

I also think of the children and parents we are raising money for. I think of them going to doctor appointments, loosing hair, praying for hope and life and love. Stop and pray for each child, parent, grandparent. Praise God for all He has done and will do. To God be the GLORY.

Click We babysit two adorable dogs in the house next door for a week. Each day I walk into the home I fall to my knees and ask God to help their dad ask Jesus in his heart.

Click God lets us join Him and attend our 5th Family Life Marriage Conference. We are honored to sponsor our niece and her fiancé. God is so sweet to let us see our prayers answered. I have prayed for five years that God would let us have the honor of taking each of our nieces, nephews and any children He lets us raise to this amazing conference.

God has used this marriage conference to restore us, grow us, refine us, unite us and fill us with unspeakable LOVE JOY AND PEACE. I pray everyone reading this gets a chance to attend. If God is tugging at your heart check out our Blog at www.designdoctor247.com for more information. AMAZING LOVE AMAZING LOVE There are not words good enough to Praise You Lord.

down down down again. The sweet sweet Boston Terrier named Scooter we have had for 9 years is about to die! Oh my gosh I cry out to God, "God you tell us you will never give us more than we can bear. I know this is not much compared to what many go through but God PLEASE HELP I feel like I can't catch my breath." Scooter is put on IV and after three days he pulls through....Thank you God for your mercy and grace.

Breath pray repeat.

I think about quitting again but I soooooooooooooo want to LEARN what God is teaching me and I am learning to TRUST HIM MORE and I am feeling HIS PEACE IN THE STORMS. so I pray - when will this ride be over and help me hold on and TRY TO ENJOY IT and SEE MORE OF YOU GOD.

Click going up again June 9th we travel to New Mexico and see Mom's only living brother and his wife celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It is gooooood to see family and feel their arms hug us, to encourage them and be encouraged. I see GOD in the majestic of the mountain - the flowers on the cactus - the smiles of people I have known my whole life and some I just got to meet. I hear His words of comfort. To God be the GLORY GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE.

Click June Having a hard time being motivated to get the personal swims in so I join a swim team at the gym. I'm in the first lane again :) It's ok I am just thankful to be on a team. God encouraged me in an unexpected way today. The coach just happens to be IRONMAN Dave. He is one of the original men who started the IRONMAN RACES. God, you surprise us and encourage us in UNEXPECTED ways. Coach has a broken leg but he is still training in the water. What inspiration!!! God help him finish his race for you! God you are soooooooooooooo amazing and I REALLY enjoyed seeing your hand at work!

Click I go to my cardiologist appointment. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy. I tell people it just means I have a weak heart but it's getting stronger every day! Two years ago the doctor said my heart functions at 35-40% and most people's functions at 50-60% ok I think that is not too bad. The church prays for me and I have a stress test and angiogram and they came back fine. So God TOTALLY changes how I eat and exercise and God helps me lose 80 pounds in 2 years. I have low blood pressure and low cholesterol so I do not fit what most people think of as a heart condition - I don't think I fit it either. but I keep having these sharp stabbing pains in my chest and now sometimes my neck is so tight It feels like a rubber band that can't be stretched anymore so I go back in for a follow-up. I get a GREAT checkup she says my blood pressure and pulse rate is as good as a well trained athlete and there is nothing they can give to lower it - so I am off the med. She fills me with good NEWS and HOPE. but schedules another echocardiogram on Monday the 26th just as a follow up test. I expect great news. I leave ON TOP OF THE WORLD HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea God Yea God Yea God

Click July 15th Every Thursday night Team and Training has a bike training session with us. I have been going to many of them but fighting the fear and not wearing my clip on shoes. God has met me each step of the way with a coach or mentor to encourage me. Thank you God for each coach and mentor who helped me! Tonight my mentor Kathleen rides with me and talks to me about mom and well is just there for me --- the fear is lifting :) Thank you God.

Click July 17th Every Sat Team in Training has another training session with us... Today we do a double Brick which means ride 9 miles run two and then repeat it. God brought another mentor right beside me on the first ride and the fear is almost gone... The second ride he brought a coach and a mentor beside me and all GLORY TO GOD the FEAR IS GONE! HE IS AMAZING! I am so thankful God brought these purple people into my life and just think several months ago I thought I was joining to help them ha ha I had no idea they would be the ones who helped me - God is like that you know. He is UNPREDICTIBLE! He is GOD! ALLLLLLLLLLLLL things are possible with GOD!

Click July 17th Had a ball raising money and washing cars. WOW! An amazing fun HOT day for our whole family! A memory that will last our lifetime. It was one of those days when you KNOW you are at the right place doing the right thing! Yea GOD!

Click Volunteered at the Disco Triathlon and saw a co-worker of my husband's run faster than anything I have ever seen. It gave me hope to see someone I actual knew finish the triathlon. Yea God!

Click July 19th Scooter is sick again. Back to doctor. More antibiotics. He recovers again. Thank you God.

Click Praying for our Team in Training coach and my mentor's boyfriend as they compete in the Ironman in Switzerland. Praying for my mentor to learn what God is teaching her and preparing her for her Ironman. Allllllllllllll things are possible with God!

Click John is offered a new job at work and then a new job with his best friends company! We are in shock, excited shock and well do not know what to do - We pray and ask others to pray for us.

Click WOW! June 21st another dream may come true. Our good friend from church called and asked if we wanted to babysit a baby grand piano. Are you kidding? Yes!!! I have had a photo of one on our wall for 8 years as I have prayed and dreamed of being a Stewart of one and playing it beside my daughter. Even if all we play is Old McDonald it will be a LIFETIME dream come true! Yea GOD!!! Tears of JOY!

Click June 23 - Ran 16 miles. I told myself I would never run more than 13 without a medal - the day before I ran my medal from a half marathon GOD IN ME ran back in March came in the mail! It gave me hope and GOD IN ME RAN AGAIN.

Click Went home to see dad - this is our first time home in 7 weeks - first time to drive into their drive way and be hugged by dad and wait for mom to come out the door but know she is not there. It was hard but God was with us. God even helped us clean her room and closet. It was hard, God carried us through it! Through the whole thing with mom going to see Jesus (Most of the time)I feel like I am in the eye of a storm - stuff is spinning out of control all around me but all I can do is SEE it and not touch it. I am in a strange way calm and at peace. When I pray - I see His answers. Like I prayed let me SEE dad is doing good and God showed me a clean house with laundry done. God showed me a yard that was mowed and a bible that was being read!

God is amazing! When I CRY out to Him He comes - I often try to fix stuff/ DO stuff instead of pray ON ALL OCCIASIONS and I MISS HIS BLESSING. God forgive me. It was a goooooooood visit. We went to Sunday School and Faith sat in mom's Sunday school chair. We went to church with dad and Faith sat beside her grandpa the way I remember sitting beside his mom! The Sunday School said they would pray for us. Thank you God. Tears of thankfulness...

Click Received a letter inviting me to be in the bsf -Bible Study Fellowship International prayer group. If you have never heard of www.bsfinternational.org I pray you go check it out on the web. God has used this bible study to grow our family in the Lord. He filled me with hope today - I have been praying for 4 years for McKinney to have a woman's night bible study fellowship class and now I am honored to join a group of ladies who will all pray for God's will together. I pray you find a bsf class in your area and see His blessing all around you.

DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN Doctor's appointment - Expecting more good news. Went in for the echocardiogram and thought it was going to be great!!!. I give God GLORY and Praise for every prayer prayed and for Faith being soooooooooooo good for 5 hours in the waiting room at both appointments! I Praise Praise Praise God John could take off and be with me and listen to what the doctor told us because it was way more than I could take in. I hear bla bla bla - I mean it was like Charlie Browns teacher was talking. She said my heart was not getting better and that I need to get back on the med but at a lower does and then my brain shut down -John will have to write the rest.

All I know is I went in three days later and was put to sleep and woke up with this thing in my chest that monitors my heart rate. I am ok with it - really - but I TOTALLY did NOT expect it. I am back to fear again. Fear of losing our insurance if John leaves the company he has worked for -for 16 years! Fear of losing the life insurance I have though his company and not being able to qualify for more. Fear to run - jump - swim - ride - live.

BUT I KNOW THAT GOD DOES NOT NOT NOT FILL ME WITH FEAR!!! HE FILLS US WITH HOPE and LOVE and JOY so I will let John finish this letter and will WAIT ON THE LORD. I can't seem to stop the tears some days. BUT I KNOW THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH so I am praying for HIS JOY in the Pain!

I know you will pray for me. I know each of you LOVE ME and could care less if I finish this triathlon or not. I know if God calls you to give it will not be because I am doing this race it will be because you answered His call. I WANT TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED and raise this money - Do not let the evil one win this battle and please give if God is calling you to.

With allllllllllllll my heart I also want to do the triathlon and the desire to FINISH and even complete an IRON MAN in KONA has NOT left me - On September the 5th and November 14 I am committed to run two marathons - God in me has trained for these. God in me has run one marathon and five half marathons in 7 months!!! GOD IN US IS STRONGER than we can even IMAGINE!!!

so my heart doesn't pump like most people's so I might have something called sudden death syndrome - the way I see it we all have sudden death syndrome - no one knows the hour or day they will die or He will return. I choose to believe God is saving that 20% of my heart function for the days I will REALLY NEED it. :) Like a heart saving account :) I choose to see it as a positive not a negative and I CHOOSE TO TRUST GOD not man.

I will be going to a church retreat next Thursday Friday Sat and Sun pray for me to have peace from God and COURAGE and WISDOM. I WANT to FINISH this ride and I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN FEAR. I also want to DO HIS WILL. If His will is for me is to not run - swim - bike I am TOTALLY ok with that tooo. I am NOT IN IT TO WIN IT. I am IN it to BRING HIM GLORY and FINISH the race.

1. Acts 20:24
However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
Acts 20:23-25 (in Context) Acts 20 (Whole Chapter)

2. 2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:6-8 (in Context) 2 Timothy 4 (Whole Chapter)

prayer request
God's blessing and protection for the TEAM in Training's team and each family we run for.
Wisdom - obedience and courage for John to work for the boss God is calling him to.
Wisdom - obedience and energy to home school Faith next year.
Wisdom, obedience, courage, Protection, energy and passion to serve God in the way He calls all of us.
Next doctor's appointment is Aug 26 at 8:30

So... Susan asked me to add a paragraph to this letter to summarize. Not sure I can. If you read this far, you've realized by now just how intensely personal, and difficult the last couple of months have been. How do you quantify an outpouring of emotion that this letter has been. I hope it was cathartic for Susan, as it certainly brings up the tears.

The purpose for sending this out it to bring your attention to a cause we are supporting. We've all been touched by cancer in some way. I've had family and friends that lost their health, time, money, and some, their lives battling cancer. My cousin lost her life, and left behind 2 beautiful children. A good friend at work, lost his battle with this disease. It can happen so fast. So, what do you do about it?

Susan and I are supporting a cause known as Team in Training. This group uses running to support fundraising to find a cure. All proceeds are tax deductable, if that's important to you, and go to support the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Your donation may make a difference in the life of someone who needs it, or could sponsor research that eliminates the disease altogether. Susan is running a triathlon in support of this group.

If you don't know, a triathlon (Olympic distance) consists of a .94 Mile open water swim, followed by a 24 mile bike ride, followed by a 6.2 mile run. If you can support this cause, if cancer has touched your life, please consider going to Susan's blog(www.designdoctor247.com), and clicking the link to donate. No amount is too small, and if you are unable to donate, or don't feel led to do so, please consider saying a prayer for Susan.